Note: This post is for entertainment – Nothing to learn here today other than some cheap laughs at my expense! Enjoy!

Have you ever had something happen to you that was so embarrassing you later found it impossible to think about without your face turning red? Do any of those events take place while at work, or in the field presenting to  a potential client? My friends at SBTV are hosting a contest to see who submits the most “horrifying presentation story.” I entered my story yesterday. Read it and weep for me ok? Yes, it really did happen, and yes I still embarrass myself talking about it to this day. Here it is:

My presentation horror story is one of those “cringe worthy” events that hurts to even think about. This happened when I was a brand spanking new sales rep for a rather well known telecommunications giant. (So please cut me some slack for my reactions ok? I was still a youngling!) I had scheduled a presentation with a potential client that was far bigger than any I had worked with up to this point, so I was stoked as you might imagine!

Practically walking on air at this point as I had worked nearly 6 months to land this appointment with regional manager and VP of this massive firm. The only issue I had to overcome was the client could only meet with me at 7:00 in the morning, so I had to ask my boss permission to go straight to the appointment from my house the following morning. He agreed and gave me a little pep talk that amounted to a “go get ‘em” and “don’t screw this up” all rolled into one 45 second speech.

I set my alarm, put on my best attire, and left the house early to beat rush hour traffic… Traffic was great, I was set to arrive professionally 5 minutes early- everything was going my way! It would take a Yak and 10 oxen to pull the massive smile from my face! Or so I thought. See, even though it seemed as if the stars were aligned in my favor at this point, apparently fate has a wicked sense of humor and decided my smile was a tad bit too large and perhaps even mildly offensive as I was about to discover.

I pull into the lot exactly 7 minutes early and park the car, careful to avoid any of the “reserved” spots.  Before exiting the vehicle I did one of those last minute review mirror checks to make sure I was “studly” enough to make a great first impression. Come on, you all know what I mean. Where you look in the mirror and check your “angles” from the left to the right to make sure there’s nothing funny hanging from your teeth, or a suspicious smear on your face…

Go through the process with me now: Tie looks good? Check… Right side of face free from errant food or hair? Check… Left side of face? Chec…. Er, HAIRY? Wha??? What is this? Some kind of bad dream?My  pulse accelerated from zero to 500 in a fraction of a second as it suddenly dawned on me that I had stupidly managed to completely shave one side of my face, while the other side remained untouched by my trusty razor! I believe my inward response was something akin to “Nooooooooooooooo!”

At this stage I I must of looked like a mad man as I clawed at the hairy side of my face a bit making sure I was actually awake and not caught smack in the middle of a cruel, but very realistic nightmare. My mind raced as I noticed that in less than 4 minutes I’d be standing in front of 2 very important, and very demanding executives looking far more like a mildly crazed Batman villain (2 Face) rather than the polished professional you trust with a 6 figure contract!

No amount of words could describe the look of sheer terror that spread across my face at this moment, so I won’t even try to describe it. Just use your imagination and multiply it by 27 and you’ll likely be pretty close.

“What do I do? What CAN I do?” It’s moments such as this that you realize just how far your brain is willing to reach to weasel its way out of awkward situations such as this. Every nutty idea was entertained, but quickly dismissed. Can I make it through the whole presentation with the unshaven left side of my face resting in my palm so they don’t see my mistake? No, no… Never work. I doubt they’ll think I’m normal if I stand up with my face still resting in my palm and my elbow floating in free space. Might find that a tad bit odd…

Can I insist on walking to only one side of the prospects and only look at them from my “clean” angle so they never have a chance to witness my humiliation? No, no… That won’t work either as I’m sure they’ll find my tremendously odd and wonder why this twitchy kid can’t look them straight in the face… Doubt they’d want to do business with a man such as that.

I even considered calling the whole thing off and coming back later, but I knew that my boss would never excuse such a decision, and I would never get a second crack at this! What the heck? How did this happen anyway? (I remembered that as I was shaving early in the morning, the phone rang, and I got into a lengthy discussion with a friend I rarely hear from. Out of habit, I washed the cream from my face as I was chatting, and moved on, forgetting to finish up before I left the house. Mindless mistake I never made again!)

With 1 minute left on the clock, my early arrival opportunity down the drain, I sucked it up and marched right through the front door painfully aware of the eyes seemingly fixated on the lower hemisphere of my face as I announced my appointment for 7:00.

I felt like a doomed soldier marching to certain death at this juncture. Face red as an over-ripe cherry and sweat building up so quickly you’d think I was standing 4 inches from a heat lamp. I waited my fate in the cushy office chairs as I heard the elevator ding signaling my meeting was seconds away. Two well dressed men stepped out of the elevator and walked in my direction hands extended in greeting.

I had decided to admit my stupid mistake early on instead of trying to hide it, or play it off. I think I over-did the apology and killed off any chance of redemption as I was overly self conscious through the entire meeting, probably looking like a wide eyed maniac as I over-played the “Eye contact” rule in an effort to force the men into looking at my eyes instead of my half clean, half Wookie chin and neck. Don’t think it came off too well! Then again, I was new to sales, and not too polished, so I don’t feel too bad as I look back on this experience.

Naturally I didn’t land the sale. I assume the unspoken message I sent to these VIP’s was “if this guy forgets to shave half his face, what else would he forget?” Can’t say that I blame them, nor can I blame my boss for being disappointed with my performance that day! But I will say this… I learned an important lesson that day so many years ago! Always, always, always carry a spare razor in your glove-box!

That’s my presentation horror story… What’s yours? Would love to hear your comments below as well, that way I don’t feel all alone in telling my story of screw-up numero uno:

http://apps.facebook.com/contestshq/contests/49018